What to buy before the big show

First of all, if you think you can do the mastectomy recovery without anyone helping you because you're a-big-grown-ass-lady-and-you-can-take-care-of-yourself-thankyouverymuch -- you are wrong. 

I thought I was just going to take pain meds and sleep at my apartment with two poodles acting, respectively, as my day and night nurses. However, I made the last minute decision to iron out my pride and go recover on my mother's couch. Ok, fine it wasn't my decision. The Catholics know how to guilt HARD.

• In any case, the first thing on your list of preparations for the big rodeo should be someone to help you for the first few days. And not someone you only vaguely know but has a kind heart -- this is an incredibly gross recovery, and nothing is holy. They're the ones that will help you strip your drains when you're nothing more than a semi-conscious hawaiian punch factory. More on that later, but you get the idea. 

• 1 or 2 ace wraps. These will be the security blanket for the next few weeks after the procedure. They provide the right amount of support to your bruised trunk and chest, as well as secures the drains in place, so they're not all over the show. I've heard of people using Spanx, but this is much cheaper and gets the job done. My incisions were right under my breasts, so a traditional bra of any kind of out of the question. 

• Button front shirts. Imagine you have T-Rex arms, practice. This is your range of motion for about a week, which makes putting shirts on a two-man operation. Make your life easier and just get shirts that button in front. I had my mastectomy during late November in Chicago, so I stocked up on flannels. I'd have two that you can switch between, because you're to be wearing them for days on end and want to burn them after this whole ordeal. 

• Ice packs. Several. I'm still making my way through the amount of frozen vegetables that set up residence on my swollen chest. Any heating pads are a terrible idea -- I learned the hard way and woke up with first degree burns, since I didn't have any functioning nerve endings. That's another story entirely though. 

Go buy those things. You'll thank me later when you're not at a crowded Target while on heavy narcotic painkillers. Unless that's your thing. In which case, keep on keeping on.